Island Macabre

Orion takes a fire extinguisher and smashes open a cold drink vending machine.

“Honeycomb, start takin’ some of the professor’s booty out to Temba.” Rooke runs past Teach who hands her a bag of first aid equipment. “Professor, snatch up some foodstuffs.”
Teach sprints over to the snack machines where two bodies are slumped over a table. He goes to a corpse and lifts his wallet and feeds the machine. He’s proud of his ingenuity, but the machine rejects his bill.

Rooke tosses the phone book, map and bag of first aid gear in the Rover. Her laptop is secured in a shoulder bag wrapped around her. She hears a symphony of nocturnal chaos and mayhem conducted by Shanghai Mars and his pirates. Motorcycles zip around the streets, but none of them are close enough to worry about. Her eyes scan the streets while backing into the hospital.

“Professor!” Orion sees Teach trying to flatten out a bill. “What in Valhalla are you doin’?”

“It won’t take my bill.”

Orion picks up a chair and smashes in the candy bar vending machine glass.

“Say,” Teach starts, “I’m quite craving one of these Rubens.”

“Those sandwiches have been in there for a year or longer, Professor. You sure you really want some of that?”

“It’s just that the sugar sticks to my teeth.”

Rooke walks in as Orion hands her a bag of cold drinks. “Shanghai Mars and his guys are running around out there.”

Orion nods, “I say we cut our losses and take the first Amscray Train outta Deadsville.” Orion and Rooke are about to leave, but Teach hesitates. Orion double-takes, “That means we’re gettin’ the fuck outta here, Professor.”

“Oh. Quite right. You have a delicious way of expressing yourself, Captain.”

Orion and Teach are the first out the door and stuffing bags into the Rover. Teach packs down a bag when Orion notices something out of the corner of his eye. Orion slowly pulls himself out of the Rover seeing Rooke with a blade to her throat. She gulps as the golden-tooth grin of Shanghai Mars creeps up from behind her shoulder.

“All fuckers hoay!” Shanghai Mars shouts.

The pirates’ motorcycle headlights beam on pointing right at the Rover. Teach and Orion are blinded by tens of lights.

“Well I be cornfucked.” Shanghai Mars starts, “If ain’t it be the gratin’ Orion Shamblerock.” Shanghai Mars throws Rooke aside towards one of his men. “Nice little dungbie on this here fine wench.” Shanghai Mars walks up to Orion.

“Didn’t think you and your scurvy boys made it past the pin worms,” Orion says.

“I must say,” Shanghai Mars says with a bit of a swagger, “that was quite silly little thing.” He presses his grimy nose against Orion’s. “Don’t suppose you be scavengin’ for the old shogun’s treasure.”

“How do you fit into all this?” Orion asks. “Following me way out here is pretty huge. Probably one of the stupidest moves you coulda made. You might as well waited till I got back to the Dum Dum Club and jacked me there. Saved yourself a lot of trouble.”

“Me ancestry be goin’ back a bit. That treasure be hornswaggled from me great, great, great, great grandfolk by the shogun and his samurai scum. Now that he be dead, we be gettin’ dibs on the claim, aye.”

“Are you sure the old folks didn’t drop the booty when they saw those pin worms coming outta the canyon and ran back to the ship?”

“I ain’t got a single speck of yella in me line!”

“If the jaundice fits.” Orion thinks about it. “Wait. Do you even know what the treasure is? There’s no treasure. We’re on an archeological dig of scientific proportions.”

Shanghai Mars presses the barrel of a Desert Eagle under Orion’s chin and gravels softly, “Where be the map?”

Orion raises his hands holding the map between two fingers. “Take it easy with that pig iron.”
Shanghai Mars snatches the map looking at Orion cock-eyed. “Avast, ye fucker. If this be a sham, the wench’s breakfast be spillin’ on the ground. And ye be sportin’ the one-second lobotomy.”

“You don’t need the woman, Shanghai Mars.”

“The wench ain’t me type.” Shanghai Mars lets out a piercing whistle. Rooke is shoved into the light. “They be an ass-pain to lug around.”

Shanghai Mars backs behind the ring of motorcycles chuckling.

Orion feigns a grin and throws his thumb up.

From beyond the lights Shanghai Mars yells, “Drop ‘em!” The pirates’ weapons begin to lock and load when one of the pirates shrieks in terror. All lights turn to Orion’s big, black symbiote shoving its fingers into the top of the pirates’ mouth and snapping the head right off.
Orion, Teach and Rooke sprint back into the hospital. Orion snatches the map from a distracted Shanghai Mars.

Shanghai Mars and his pirates blast away at the creature. It roars taking a couple hits.
Teach and Rooke round one of the corners when Orion lurches and drops to the floor. He slides leaving a bloody streak. They stop to check him. He’s got a couple of bullet holes in his body. Teach puts pressure on his chest wound. “He’s been shot… again.”

“They were shooting at the symbiote.” Rooke says. “They psychically and physically reciprocate each other’s wounds.”

The creature hops on to the overhang of the Emergency Room and disappears on to the roof.
Shanghai Mars and his pirates look around and see that the juggernaut is gone. Shanghai Mars finally realizes that he’s missing the map. “Orion!” He turns to two pirates. One on a Ninja and another on a Ducati. “Ninja, Ducati, after yay map-jackers!”

Rooke and Teach help the hobbling Orion along the hallway. Teach stops at a hospital directory placard. He presses his blood-soaked finger against the “You are Here” arrow and runs it along the corridor to a second floor exit. “The closest exit is on the second floor in the parking garage.”

Two pirates’ motorcycles zoom and screech around a corner presumably following Orion’s blood trail. They all stagger toward stairwell door and head up.

The hospital PA system suddenly clicks on. “Well I’ll be fucked sideways!” Shanghai Mars says over the intercom. “Whatever the Hell that be.”

As Teach, Orion and Rooke bust through to the second floor, the motorcycles zoom by on the first floor.

On the first floor the two pirates screech to a halt.

Shanghai Mars flips around the security booth monitors watching Orion and company make their way down the hall. He holds the intercom to his mouth, “That thing be about as black as the night itself. Ye scallywags best be not makin’ for the roof. That where it be now.”
Ninja stops at the blood-streaked directory noticing their destination smeared in moist blood. He also sees that the blood speckles on the floor lead to the stairwell corridor.

Ninja rumbles up the stairs busting through the second floor door. The pirate sees the blood trail, pops a wheelie and zooms after them.

Shanghai Mars fumbles around the CD collection. “Here be somethin’ for ye dyin’ pleasure. Die to the gleeful melody of new J-pop sensation of…” He squints and then sounds it out. “Nam…mie… A…mur… o.” He slaps it into the CD changer as the upbeat pop music of Namie Amuro’s Body Feels Exit.

The juggernaut creature stands on the roof of the hospital reaching for the moon. As its body begins to repair itself the pirates’ bullets begin to squeeze out of his body as it roars. One bullet falls out while another in its chest struggles.

Orion thrashes forcing him to his knees yelping in pain. His teeth grind. “Go on without me! I’m just slowin’ ya down!”

“We are not leaving you here, Captain.” Teach says with all the British chivalry he can muster.
“If I’m gonna die like a bitch in his knees then let it be so others could live.” Orion grabs his chest spitting up blood and looks up at the fluorescent lights, “Come and get me, Odin. Come get me, you little girl!”

Teach grabs his mouth to cover up a staggered gasp, but his eyes water. He gulps and gets himself together and balls up his bony fists, “We shall not leave such valor unaided!”
Ninja screeches around the corner with his machine-gun drawn.

Orion whips out his Swiss Army knife, unfolding a 2-inch blade and turns to Ninja. Orion’s eyes are crazy wild with his teeth gnashed due to him using whatever strength he’s got left to protect Rooke and Teach. His tiny Swiss Army knife shimmers in the light. “Come get your dinner, missy! Come and get your shanks!”

Ninja grins. The motorcycle speeds toward Orion.

The juggernaut growls in pain as the bullet shoots from his body while a ribbon of blood spurts from Orion’s chest splashing into Ninja’s eyes. The pirate loses control of the bike and crashes. Ninja slides head-first to Orion’s feet.

Orion falls to his knees exhausted. He pats his bullet wounds. He’s a bit surprised the pain is gone.

From behind Rooke sees Orion slump forward. Her eyes well up. Thinking this is the last of the great Orion Shamblerock. She sniffles as he turns to Rooke and Teach, “I feel better.”
Rooke’s jaw drops and Orion catches it. “Were those tears for me, Honeycomb?”

“They were for you when I thought you were dead.”

Orion wobbles to his feet saying, “Those tears deserve a kiss.” Rooke walks away. “Hey, Honeycomb, there ain’t nothin’ sweeter than tears and whiskey.”

Shanghai Mars storms out of the security booth and into the waiting room. His pirates lounge around watching a blue screen on the TV. He takes a deep breath looking for someone to yell at, but they’re all beat the fuck up. He finds one of his men’s head knocked back against a chair with mouth agape. He walks over snatching up an M-60 and blasts away at the TV. A line of bullets chatter into the wall just inches from their heads. Hot shells skip and somersault over their faces and one falls into the mouth of the snoring pirate. Many duck for cover while some others are just overwhelmed by sleep deprivation.

“Avast, ye fuckmeats!” Shanghai Mars screams over the gunfire. “They be headin’ for the parking garage! Go fetch me map!” About half his pirates get up and trot down to the parking garage. Shanghai Mars grabs another belt of ammo and follows them.

Orion, Rooke and Teach walk around the parking garage.

“I say, Captain,” Teach starts. “That is a remarkable recovery.”

“Well, I’m still a little shook up. Gets me thinkin’ what would happen if that beast was decapitated. I wonder what things I’ll have to say when my head’s bouncing around like a soccer ball.”

Rooke studies the map rubbing and phone book map. “On the other side of this structure there should be a construction site. That’s where the proposed parking structure addition is supposed to be.”

Orion and company arrive at the construction site. Where the hospital parking garage ends is where the construction site begins. Just like the rest of the city so far, corpses lie about. A cluster of Devil’s Winds swirl around a tractor with a digging bucket buried deep into the side of a hill. Looking into just the opening of the tunnel the first of the samurai catacombs is revealed.

Rooke smiles, “This is where the Breath of the Bushido escaped.” She turns to Teach. “Ancient bacteria. Prehistoric virus. My ass. This is a paranormal activity at its finest.” Rooke takes out her camera about to take pictures, but her batteries are dead.

Teach holds in a grin, “I suppose the Breath of the Bushido is a bit shy of having its picture taken.”

“I came all the way out here to document this shit and I’ve spent my batteries!”

“Take it easy, Honeycomb.” Orion tosses her a dead man’s Walkman. “See if those work.”

Orion takes a couple steps into the tunnel shining a right-angle flashlight into the catacombs. “Uh, these fellas ain’t gonna wake up are they, Honeycomb?”

Her answer, “I hope not.”

Orion grimaces and nods. “Honest answer.”

Teach studies the uniforms of the ancient samurai warriors buried into the walls. “Remarkable.”
Orion takes a couple more steps into the catacombs, “Now, Professor, you say there was an epidemic that killed off this city. Why ain’t we dead?”

“It’s quite possible that if bacteria or a virus escaped it was killed off. Or it mutated with the environment. It’s difficult to explain. This island requires much more research.”
Rooke’s camera is working again. She tapes Orion and Teach talking. She says, “For whatever your science brain can’t explain, Teach, supernatural is just as easy to accept as your unanswered explanations.”

Teach turns to her, “Touché.” As he looks in her direction Shanghai Mars and his pirates make their way out of the parking garage. “Shanghai Mars.” He grabs Rooke’s hand and leads her deeper into the catacombs. “Let us flee.” He pushes Orion into the tunnel.

“Hold on, Professor,” Orion says. “Do you know what’s what down there?”

Orion hears Shanghai Mars screaming, “Ollie Ollie Oxenfreak! I be comin’ to get ye!”
Orion begrudgingly shuffles into the moist and rancid tunnel.

Shanghai Mars sticks his face into the black of the tunnel. He pulls out a Zippo and flips it on and suddenly being startled by the skull of the samurai warrior. He can hear Orion and company stumbling down into the catacombs. “Here it be. Avast!” Shanghai Mars marches in and disappears into the black.

A couple of his pirates follow, but the rest hesitate. And right behind them the big, black, symbiotic juggernaut drops behind them from the hospital roof top. The remaining pirates spin around.

Terrified shrieks echo throughout the catacombs.

Blood splatters on the face of the samurai corpse.

***

The juggernaut trudges into the catacombs. It splashes in the blood of the pirates.

The blood speckled across the samurai corpse’s face seeps into the skull. Its jaw twitches. The samurai’s fingers grip the handle of its samurai sword.

To be continued…

Orion yanks Rooke back into the Rover by the front of her pants just as a curtain of poisonous frogs splatter over the vehicle. Teach jumps. Orion crunches the accelerator forcing the Rover through the fog. The frogs hop through the broken windshield and into the Rover.

“Get ‘em out!” Orion shouts. “Don’t let ‘em touch your skin!” Orion cracks the wheel to the side making the Rover screech a 180-degree turn staring right at the on-coming headlights of Shanghai Mars and his pirates. He shifts the Rover in reverse. The Rover speeds backwards making the frogs smack up against the rear window.

“There’s gloves in the glove box. Get these frogs outta here!” Orion orders, but a couple of frogs hop into the backseat forcing Teach against the window.

Rooke tosses Teach a glove. Orion looks out the back window while trying to stabilize the wheel. Teach struggles with the glove seeing the pirates’ headlights breaking away erratically. He catches one of the headlights rise straight up into the air and then disappears. “Dear me.”

Rooke tosses a frog or two out the window. The Rover scrapes against the ravine wall. Teach follows a frog croak in the dark of the Rover floor. He picks it up and tosses it out the front. Something gets his attention from outside. “Did anyone see that?”

Rooke answers while picking up a frog, “It was nothing!”

“I thought I saw something fly by the window.”

“Just a trick of the Lunatic’s Moon, Professor,” Orion answers, but clearly looks panicked.

“I could have sworn I just saw something slither past us,” Teach insists.

“Professor, if you don’t get these frogs outta here you’re gonna find out what’s in the mist!”

Rooke tosses out another frog seeing the gaping mouth of a tube worm slap shut– swallowing the frog. Teach stares with bugged out eyes, “Polychaete.” Transfixed with a frog croaking in his glove, “Giant polychaetes.”

Rooke throws out a couple more frogs, “They’re attracted to the croaking! Toss ‘em out!” The mouth of a tube smashes against the driver side of the Rover pushing it against the ravine wall. Orion hits the brakes as the worm’s mouth squeaks off the window. He shifts back into drive to make another U-turn and floor it past the body of the worm. The worm slithers back around the spitting frogs at the back of the Rover.

Teach smacks his hand against the window and knocks two frogs off, “Shoo!” But, they’re still here. Through the red brake lights and fog, a worm opens its mouth behind them. Next to it, another one swoops in spitting frogs.

Rooke sees a frog croaking on Orion’s leg. She gulps. “Don’t move, captain.” But right then, Orion hits the brakes to fishtail the vehicle around the base of the rock column and force the frog to hop onto his crotch. She reaches for it, but it hops away, and she accidentally grab onto his groin!

Orion hits the accelerator, “Whoa, Tempa!” The two worms smash against the back, forcing the Rover to roll onto its side. The Rover slides to a stop. Everyone’s smashed against the ceiling. “Everyone grab a weapon! Scoot, scoot, scoot!”

Rooke grabs the BAR. Teach gets the micro-UZI and Heckler in a dorkified version of a double-fisted John Woo archetype. Orion snatches the Garand. “Okay,” Orion begins. “We shoot for keeps. No warning shots.”

A war-cry approaches from the distance. “Hark,” Teach whispers. And then, it smashes against the Rover erupting into an explosion. Everyone keeps close to the Rover. “What was that?” Teach asks.

Orion grabs the fire extinguisher from inside the vehicle. “Wait here.”

They say in unison, “Yes, captain.”

Orion rounds the front of the Rover and sprays the flames to notice a scorched pirate and the blackened skeleton of a motorcycle. Then, he hears Shanghai Mars’ pirates zooming all over the ravine firing their weapons. Off to the side, he hears a motorcycle cruise by with a shrieking pirate, but as the bike passes, he hears the pirate screaming on the way up. He sees a clearing in the fog, as the moon outlines the giant worm slurping down the pirate. Then, he hears his muffled screams fly past him toward the rock columns. Orion backs toward Teach and Rooke slowly. The tube worm hovers close to Orion. He waves his hand in front of the worm, but it can’t see him.

Orion kneels in front of Teach and Rooke. He whispers in both of their ears. “They can’t see us. Don’t make any noise.” Teach’s eyes are ping-pong balls, as the body of a tube hovers past them. Then Shanghai Mars’ pirates roar by on their motorcycles. One of them crashes a few yards away and makes a run for the Rover with machine-guns ablaze—blasting away at the worms. Orion shakes his head, while Rooke and Teach wave him away. A huge worm snatches up the pirate.

Orion takes a breath. He notices the worms are leaving them alone in their silence and going after the pirates, but then, there’s a croaking close by. They all exchange confused glances. They take quick looks, but can’t find the frog. Orion looks up seeing two worms coming towards them. Rooke shrugs in confusion then turns to Teach who’s pointing at her. Orion sees the frog hidden in her hair. Orion grabs it and furls it out to toward a passing motorcycle, diverting the two worms.

Orion’s hand twitches. He falls to his knees grabbing his wrist. Teach and Rooke exchange concerned glances. Teach takes a knee and examines Orion’s hand. Orion whispers through his gnashed teeth, “We gotta turn Temba over and get outta here.”

They all push the Rover back on to its wheels and file back in. Teach steps into the driver’s seat. Rooke slips into the back. Orion clutches his wrist. The Rover takes off into the fog.

The frog Orion threw away hops into a rocky crevice escaping a worm’s gaping mouth. The frog twitches, then flips onto its back, turning dark. The frog’s limbs begin turning into black fingers. Then eventually a hand. It continues to twitch and pulsate as it grows larger.

Teach’s eyes shift from side to side not knowing what’s ahead, when suddenly the vehicle slips off a cliff. Rooke braces herself, “Teach!”

“You drove us off a cliff, Professor!”

They seem like they’re falling forever, but it’s only mere seconds.

Teach leans back in the seat when the Rover crashes into some shrubbery and then onto the ground. He double-takes everything. Woodlands all around.

Rooke throws her head back defeated, “Please tell me we didn’t land on the back of a giant scorpion.”

After making sure everyone is unharmed, Teach says over his shoulder, “There are no such things as giant scorpions, Rooke.” He puts the Rover in motion and they drive through the woodlands.

“And what was that giant tube worm all about?” She spits back.

“Giant polychaete is theoretically possible judging by this environment.”

Teach and Rooke spat existentially about giant killer creatures. Orion sneers and rips open the First Aid kit sloshing alcohol over his hand. The sting burns through his skin, but anything’s better than listening to those two argue about giant killer something-or-others. Orion turns the knob on the scanner to pick up some radio chatter. He hears something, “Hey, Bickersons! Knock off the Philosophisification.”

Orion leans closer to the radio and hears overlapping panicked voices over the Ghost Ravine fiasco. He turns another knob to catch a conversation between two people. A phrase is made clear, “I’m gonna bring ‘em all down. From Shanghai Mars all the way to Captain Orion.” Orion flips off the knob.

“Looks like Shanghai Mars’ got a G-man in his midst,” Orion says with a clenched fist.

“What would a government official be doing working for pirates?” Teach asks.

“Probably to put a stop to all this shit that’s goin’ on out here in the Rotten Sea.” Orion takes a breath, “I’m the best smuggler in these here waters. I’m sure the United States government ain’t too happy about me utilizin’ decommissioned military vessels to make a livin’. And I can bet you those G-men ain’t too happy about Shanghai Mars almost gettin’ ‘em eaten by giant killer worms.”

The Rover leaks fluid, as Teach cruises through what looks like woodlands.

“We need to find water to irrigate his wound.” Teach says.

“The map shows a river up ahead.” Rooke says.

Teach hits the brakes. “Blimey.” Teach and Rooke stare in shock.

“We better get to washing this out quick, Professor. The Lunatic’s moon is workin’ it’s mojo. I’m startin’ to hallucinate.”

They all look out seeing hundreds of modern cars parked along a modern man-made river bridge. None of the cars move.

“You didn’t see this before, captain?” Rooke asks.

“Last time I was here was eight years ago, Honeycomb. This’s new.”

***

The Rover cruises along the bridge and swerves around cars driven by corpses. Rooke shoots footage and says, “It’s like they just up and died in their cars.”

Teach notices, “The license plates are only a year old.”

“The Bushido’s Breath has taken them all.” Rooke says.

“But how could they build this city?” Teach asks.

“Unless somehow, someone unearthed the samurai temple.” Rooke says. “The curse unleashed the shogun’s wrath.”

“There’s always an alternative to mythology.” Teach says. “Maybe it unleashed a dormant bacteria. Or an epidemic of poisonous frogs dropped in the water.”

“Whatever the case,” Rooke says, “why would someone populate this island?”

While Rooke and Teach ruminate, Orion points his shaky finger to a faded sign, “Hey, look. Hospital next right.”

Teach breaks into the moment, “Of course, captain!” The Rover rolls toward the end of the bridge. It’s a city all right. Dead. A perfectly functioning medium-sized city. Just lifeless. The only thing working is the local traffic lights which Teach clearly ignores. Corpses are collapsed right on the street in mid-stride.

Rooke notices, “They just died. They didn’t see a threat coming. It’s like they just… stopped.”

Teach pulls the Rover into the Emergency Room.

Rooke and Teach help Orion inside.

They trudge down the hallway and step over the abandoned carcasses of doctors and nurses. “This place is foul!” Rooke says and stuffs her nose into her shoulder. “What do you need, Teach?”

“Poison control.”

“Here.” Teach kicks out the door, rolls off a corpse, and helps Orion onto a gurney. Orion writhes, as his veins begin to blacken. Orion reaches for the fluttering fluorescent light on the ceiling. “He’s having a botulistic seizure.”

Somewhere in Ghost Ravine, a black arm reaches for the full moon, just like Orion. The frog has mutated into an 8-foot black juggernaut. He sports the same sacrifice tattoo as Orion. The same shoulder and ass wounds.

A giant tube worm lunges for the juggernaut, but it catches the worm by its mouth ripping a piece of its flesh off. A tentacle unravels from the worm’s mouth wrapping around the juggernaut’s forearm.

Back in the poison control room, Teach watches Orion’s arm contract and bleed, as bits of his flesh tear apart.

The juggernaut wraps the worm’s tentacle around its own mouth and binds it shut. The juggernaut yanks on the worm, as his rock column collapses to the ground. He drags the worm close to the cliff side and furls it off the edge. The 30-foot worm falls and snaps its tentacle. The juggernaut unravels the tentacle from his bloody forearm and drops it over the cliff. His face resembles parts of Orion, although ardently more monstrous.

Orion stops and sees blood pooling around his arm. Teach and Rooke stare in loss. Rooke shrugs. Teach shakes his head. Orion grabs his arm, but seems… exhausted.

Teach puts the finishing touches on Orion’s bandages. “All I can figure, captain, is that the poison in the frog has a delayed constrictive reaction.”

“Naw, Professor,” Orion starts, “this was something squeezing and ripping my skin off. It was like an Indian rug burn… only my flesh was twisting off.”

“I wonder,” Rooke begins, “if you’ve developed a psychic-symbiotic link to the frog.” Teach shakes his head. “It’s not unfamiliar in ghost lore.”

“What’re you sayin’, Honeycomb? I’m being haunted by the ghost of a frog?”

“What I’m suggesting is that whatever it feels you feel.”

“So, if that little bugger gets slurped up by one of those giant worms, I’m gonna suddenly be boiling in stomach juices?”

“I don’t know how that works exactly. It’s all theory. There’s never been a proven case. Some say if the symbiotes confront each other the psychic bond is broken. But if something else kills the other they’ll both die.”

“Is there a book in this kind of stuff? How do you know all this, Honeycomb?”

“Actually, there have been books, but they’ve all been banned and chalked up as mythology.” She looks to Teach.

“With all due respect to the scientific community, Rooke—”

“How do you two know each other anyway?” Orion asks.

Teach clears his throat, but Rooke answers first, “I own a rare book shop that specializes on subjects of the occult. I read this article in the paper saying that he’s this go-to guy on ancient Asian cultures—”

“Which is true.” Teach interrupts.

“Which could be true,” Rooke steps back in, “anyway, we get into this little spat about this island and the paranormal energy encompassing this part of the world and we went our separate ways.”

Teach shrugs. “Low and behold.”

“Well, let’s be sure and go back and stomp on a frog, Honeycomb.”

Rooks remembers, “I thought you didn’t believe in ghosts, captain.”

“When giant worms try to swallow me whole and I drive into city of dead people, my superstition jumps the meter. Some really spooky shit is goin’ on here and I don’t wanna be around when those dead people suddenly get a hankerin’ for my brains.”

“My best in trying to find that frog.” Teach says. “The poison doesn’t seem to be bothering you now. I don’t think it’s a lasting effect.”

Orion sees some of the bleeding coming through the bandages. “What if it isn’t?”

“How’s this? Can you walk?” Teach asks.

Orion attempts to ease down from the gurney as his ass wound acts up. Teach holds up a pair of tongs. “While we’re here, let’s take out the bullets shall we?”

Orion’s teeth grind, “Right as rain.” As he hobbles to his feet, the bullet from his falls out of his rear. Teach tilts his head in curiosity. “I’m shittin’ bullets, Professor.”

Rooke sits in the waiting room and examines a corpse studying a map in the local phone book, comparing it to her rubbing. Orion arrives with two Japanese-labeled Cokes.

“Okay,” Orion starts, “I’ve got Diet, I think, and Classic.”

Rooke looks up and smiles. “Classic, please.”

Orion tosses it to her, but the can slips between her hands and bounces off of her forehead. “Oh, my fault, Honeycomb. That’s one hundred percent my fault.” Rooke holds her head inhaling through her grit teeth. Orion sits next to her, brushing the hair out of her face and brings the Diet Coke to her forehead to sooth the pain. “After all we been through in the past twenty-four hours. Damn it.”

“It’s fine, captain.”

“Know what?” Orion’s expression droops to a somber mood. “Just call me Orion. I’m not so sure I should even be called a captain.”

“You must be joking. If it wasn’t for you we wouldn’t be alive. We’d be lost at sea. We’re the ones that dragged you out here.”

“You’re right. It is your fault.” Her face drops, but he nudges her making her smile. “Naw. I knew what I was gettin’ into. It always seemed unfair that I’m dubbed this sole survivor of Island Macabre.” He notices her set-up. “What’s this?”

Rooke looks back at the phone book. “This little city seems to be in constant construction. I’ve been comparing it to this rubbing and the temple seems to be here.” She points to clearing in the phone book map. “I picked up this newspaper which was dated back a year and in the Local section it talks about this groundbreaking in that area.”

“That’s where that breath stuff is coming from?”

Rooke says with a jolly grin, “Exactly.”

Teach enters the waiting room. “I think I’ve figured out your frog problem, captain.”

“Hit me, Professor.”

“From the frog samples I’ve pulled from the Land Rover and your blood, it seems to have extraordinary regenerative and mutation properties.”

“You sayin’ I’m gonna be a frogman, Professor?”

“Not at all. I think the more dominant elements have already altered the weaker.” Orion just stares at him confused and a little spooked. “You’re fine, captain. It’s the frog.”

Orion scowls, “What about the frog?”

“It’s the mutated frog!”

“Mutated into what?”

A faint haze of the Lunatic’s moon burns through the fog, as Orion’s symbiotic juggernaut makes its way to the dead city!

TO BE CONTINUED!

Orion’s Bitch soars over the foamy peak of a wave dragging a spray of sea and counter-measure flares.  Shanghai Mars’ jet-skiing pirates follow.  The landing craft splashes down catching a downslide of the same wave.

In the landing craft’s pilot house, Orion furls the wheel trying to avoid a renegade wave.

Teach panics, “You want us to fight them off?”

“Unless you have some really kick-ass maritime piloting skills that could be useful right about now.”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Well, I’m afraid so.”

Rooke swings open the cabinet finding a WW II-era Browning Automatic Rifle and an M-1 Garand.  “Did these rifles come with the boat?”

“Hey, don’t knock ‘em, honeycomb.  Those things’ll do the job nice and good.  It still blows out the same kind of brains.” Orion spouts over his shoulder.  “Just don’t open fire on the cargo hold walls or you’ll be playing tag with your own bullet.  Just fire in the air or the water.  The reflex will send those fuckmeats leapin’ for cover.”

Teach and Rooke stand with the two rifles in hand still looking a little lost.  Orion double-takes, “Those pirates ain’t gonna shoot themselves!  Scoot, scoot, scoot!” 

A jet ski zooms past the pilot house and splashes down into the cargo bay.

Rooke and Teach duck behind an armored turret as the landing craft surfs down the wave.  The pirate’s jet ski stops at the mid point of the cargo bay.  All the water has collected at the ramp.  Teach cradles his rifle while seeing Orion making a finger gun.  The pirate dismounts his jet ski while whipping out his Heckler 9MM. 

“Are you going to shoot?”  Rooke screams.

Teach answers, “You first!”  He looks at a cargo strap whipping around the armor turret.  “Oh.  I think you should wear this to secure—”

Rooke steps up from behind the turret and blindly fires her BAR into the water.  A hefty gust of water erupts from the sea pushing her out of the turret.  Teach looks around while shaking the water out of his face.  He searches for Rooke as a streak of lightning reveals she’s not around.

The wave pushes Rooke onto the tarp of the Deuce and then onto the floor of the cargo bay knocking the rifle from her grip.  She staggers for the rifle as the pirate takes aim.

The landing craft hits the bottom of the wave forcing more water in the cargo hold and throwing the pirate towards the ramp.  Two more jet skis arch into the landing craft.

Orion slams the throttle making the landing craft glide up another wave.  Shanghai Mars’ voice squawks over the radio, “Hell ain’t hot enough for ye, matey!”

Orion snatches the radio, “Well, I saw the ugly face of god.”

“What the sonofabitch say?”

“Told me to come back a little later after I’ve raised enough Hell.”  Shanghai Mars chuckles just as Orion’s about to hang up the radio when it occurs to him, “Did the Dragon Lady tell you about the tats?”

“She be the scuttlebutt pipeline.”

“Her mouth is about as fast as her ink.”

A lightning bolt snaps at one of the Big Red Cock’s propeller engines.  The engine starts to flame.  “Hold that thought, ye.  I be havin’ engine troubles.”

A jet ski crashes through the side of the pilot house window forcing Orion to dive out of the way.  The pirate unsheathes a machete announcing, “Oy!”

“You didn’t miss the class on random shark attacks did ya?”  Orion whips out a road flare from his cargo pocket.  He rips off the cap as the magnesium ignites to a hot, bright red.

Rooke is about to tackle her weapon when water washes over it.  She sees a shark swimming towards her.  The water rises above her knees with the tilting of the landing craft.  Rooke leaps out of the way leaving her BAR.  The Land Rover smashes up against the Deuce.  She makes a run for the Rover as the shark fin comes up quickly behind her.  Suddenly, bullets snap behind her chasing off the shark and giving her time to take cover in the Rover.

Teach fires one shot after another as the shark swims towards the on-coming jet skiing pirates.  Machine-gun bullets pelt around his armored turret as he takes cover.  He clicks the cargo strap to the side of his belt loop.

Back in the pilot house the pirate swings the machete at Orion, but Orion catches his wrist and shoves the blazing flare into the pirate’s mouth and confiscates his machete.  “You have a purdy mouth, boy.”  The landing craft suddenly crunches against a hard wave splashing over the ramp sending both Orion and the pirate crashing through the pilot house window into the cargo bay.

Orion struggles to his feet realizing the water is now waste-deep all around.  He catches a glimpse of a shark tail flopping a few feet away in red water.  He watches the jaws of the shark munching on the pirate with the flaming mouth.  The flare projects the pirate’s silhouette just as he slides down into the belly.  

“Bon a’ petite,” Orion says and quickly kisses his fingers like a chef.

He sees Rooke beating against the windshield of the Rover as it rolls back towards the ramp.  Two pirates break for her while one makes for Orion.  Orion fights his way to a flipped over jet ski.  He hops on, starting it up and heads straight for the on-coming pirate.  Orion points the machete at the pirate like he’s about to joust.  Orion shouts, “Tallyho!” The pirate grins while pulling out a Micro UZI.  The two pass each other as Orion lunges the machete deep into the pirate’s jet ski, breaking the fuel line.  Gas-o-line sprays out of a hose, but the pirate doesn’t notice.  He makes a u-turn and comes back at Orion who’s already heading for Rooke and the Rover.

One pirate is on the hood with an ax and the other busting the glass in the back.  Orion makes way—full steam ahead.  He approaches leaping off the jet ski tackling the pirate on the hood.  The Rover rolls back toward the front of the landing craft while Orion and the ax pirate wrestle on the hood.

The water sloshes through the Rover.  Rooke forces the ignition out of its socket just as the pirate makes his way through the bed. 

Teach watches the action helplessly from his turret.  He sees the UZI pirate bee-lining for the Rover while the shark continues to gnaw on the mouth-flare pirate as the flare brushes against a trail of gas-o-line.  A flame follows the UZI pirate’s jet ski trail setting him ablaze.  The pirate shrieks like a girl and flails his arms while depressing the trigger on the UZI.

Rooke brushes the two ignition wires together as the Rover starts, but UZI fire rips through the windshield forcing her to take cover.  Orion and the ax pirate trade blows oblivious to the UZI chatter. 

The UZI pirate’s jet ski explodes making the gunfire cease.

Still taking cover, Rooke presses the accelerator with her hand making the Rover move.  The pirate yanks Rooke back by the hair exposing her throat while he unsheathes his SEAL pup knife.  But a bullet zips into his forehead.  He stares dead in amazement for a second while his forehead streams blood across the dashboard. 

Orion manages to score a lucky punch across the ax pirate’s face.  A ribbon of gunfire bubbles across the pirate’s chest.  Orion and Rooke exchange a quick smile, “Alright, Teach!”  But then Orion takes a hit in the shoulder as the windshield shatters.

Teach watches the UZI gunfire ricocheting all over the cargo bay like deadly, little pin balls.  “Blimey.”  He’s makes a run for the pilot house, but the cargo strap yanks him back down just as a set of UZI fire snaps in his path.  “My lucky strap.”

Rooke pulls Orion into the Rover as the bullets snap all around.  “Take cover in the bed!” Orion shouts.  Orion and Rooke dive into the back of the vehicle while bullets continue to pelt against everything.  Orion rolls Rooke to her back to try and protect her, but a gallon of water washes over her face.  He takes another bullet to the ass.  He lets out a growl.  “I got bit in the ass!”

As the ricocheting stops, Teach sprints to the pilot house to regain control of the wheel, but notices another engine on the Big Red Cock blows out.  The plane begins to lose altitude and lowers into the cargo hold.  Just as Teach steps behind the wheel, he watches a huge wave coming right at them giving them nowhere to turn.  He just stands there staring into the mouth of oblivion.  “Dear me.”

***

A gentle splash of water brushes against Teach’s face.  He wakes up to a beam of sunlight cascading across his face.  He shoots up looking around realizing he’s on the floor of the pilot house. 

Rooke wakes up noticing Orion is spooning her with his hand tightly cupping her breast.  She tries to break free without waking him, but he’s got a tight grip on her.  Then a pirate with a bullet hole through his forehead floats by startling her.

Orion groggily wakes up slightly grinning.  “Man, oh, man did I have this wicked dream last night.”

Rooke holds her shirt closed with her fist making up for a couple lost buttons.  “That wasn’t a dream.  We were attacked by pirates.”

“No, honeycomb.”  Orion grins.  “The dream I had about you and me.  I had no idea you could do such things.”  She punches him in the bad shoulder making him wince.  “What was it you said, ‘A little pain never hurt no one?’  I gotta remember that.”

She just sighs and steps on to the hood of the Rover.  It’s a bright, quiet and sunny day on the sea.  She looks around the cargo hold that’s still got a good couple of feet of red water.  She hears Teach’s voice shouting, “Rooke, you’re okay!”

“Yeah.”  She says exhaustedly.  “You?”

“I’m just fine.”  He points toward the front of the landing craft.  “Look!”

Rooke shields the sun from her eyes while standing on her tip-toes to look over the landing ramp.  She sees the island in the distance.  She takes a deep and staggered breath while smiling.  “Captain Orion, we’re here.”

Orion makes his way on to the hood while holding his shoulder.  “I guess that’s the bad news.”  He notices a black stream of smoke coming from somewhere deep in the island.  “Any landing you can die from will be just fine with me, Shanghai Mars.”

“Bad news?  That’s great news!”

“Out here, honeycomb, there’s only bad news and worse news.”  Orion looks up at Teach.  “How are ya, professor?”

“Peachy, captain.  You?”

Orion notices Rooke looking at his morning wood.  He winks, “You wanna hear the bad news or the worse news first?”  Rooke feigns a smile.

Orion’s Bitch casually cruises through the lagoon of Island Macabre.  Leaning over the front of the landing ramp, Rooke is captivated by the 360-degree postcard perfect tropical paradise.  She snaps a shot on her digital camera.

Orion and Teach stare out the busted out windows of the pilot house.

“I’m curious, captain.  If you don’t believe in ghosts why did we have to get tattoos?” Teach asks.

“I don’t believe in ghosts.  I’m just a little superstitious.  Superstition goes a long way when sailing these here seas.”

“Do you know what the glyph means?”

“Hit me.”

“It means sacrifice.” 

“Sacrifice what?”

“At the turn of the Twentieth Century the modern Japanese government abolished feudalism affecting the samurai social status and power.  The government tried and failed to integrate many of the samurai into the modern world.  The Japanese government foresaw a war coming.  The government sent as many of the best of the samurai clans to this island to save local peasants from a force of evil.  But there were no local peasants.  The ships turned around and left them to die.”

“That’s fucked up, professor.  What happened to the other samurai guys?  The ones in Japan?”

“They rebelled in what was called the Kagoshima Revolt.  The old and new worlds clashed.  The modern world won.”  Teach points to Orion’s tattoo.  “They were willing to throw down arms and their petty disagreements to save someone.  That is the symbol of sacrifice.  That is what protects you from the Bushido Breath.”

“Cute little bedtime story, professor.”

“I’m rather fond of it myself.”

Orion, Teach and Rooke watch the ramp on Orion’s Bitch lower as the water swills out with a couple of half-eaten pirates and two bloated sharks and five jet skis.  Orion picks up the BAR and a 9MM Heckler.  Orion says, “Bonus gun.”

“At least,” Teach says while holding his nose, “we can consume the sharks for sustenance.”

“Well,” Orion sneers, “I’ll let you cut ‘em open and you can watch a couple of partially digested human beings spill out of their stomachs.”

Rooke asks, “Who were those guys?”

“Shanghai Mars and his sky pirates.”  Orion answers.  “My take is that they know why you’re here and they wanna piece of it.  Actually, they’ll take all of it.”

Orion starts up the landing craft as the fuel needle trembles near empty.  “Shit.”  Orion snaps off the motor and makes his way down to the cargo hold where both Rooke and Teach study the map.  “Okay, I was wrong.  There’s bad news, worse news and shit news.”

“What’s the sh—news?” Teach asks nervously.

“We don’t have enough fuel to make it back to civilization.”

Rooke asks, “Can you siphon the gas from the jet skis and the truck?”

“Different fuel types and not enough.  And the Deuce is waterlogged.”

“What’s the worse news?” Teach asks.

“We’re gonna have to trek into the island to get some.”

“That’s great news!”  Teach says happily.  “An island like this is burgeoning with natural methane gas.  I must say that’s brilliant, captain.”

“This boat runs on diesel, professor.”  Teach’s grin droops.  “But I know where we can get some.”

“What’s the bad news?” Rooke asks.

“Shanghai Mars’ plane crashed down somewhere in the middle of the island.”

“Will we be bartering for his fuel?”  Teach asks.

“No, he doesn’t barter if there’s nothin’ in it for him.”

Teach stares at him inquisitively, “We’re going to pilfer from Shanghai Mars?”

If we can find that there treasure before him, we might be able to trade him for some fuel.”

Rooke winces, “But he’ll kill us.”

“Yeah,” Orion rubs his chin.  “I’m workin’ on that part.”

Orion snaps the ignition wires on the Rover starting up the motor.  “Alright, Temba!  They don’t make ‘em like that anymore do they!”  Orion grins at Rooke.  “Where’d you learn how to hotwire a rig, honeycomb?”

“The Internet.”

“The what?”

Rooke turns to Teach smiling in the backseat, Teach says, “Surely, you’ve heard of the Internet, captain.”

“Inter-whatever.”  Orion picks up a cassette tape and slaps it in the cassette player as an old Rancid song comes on.  “You guys like music?”  Orion puts the Rover in motion heading for a valley of kunai grass.  “Whatever you do, guys, don’t stick your hands out of the Rover while driving through Kunai Valley.  Take your head and hands right off.”

The Rover makes its way through the kunai valley leaving a beaten trail.  Rancid’s punk-ska music drones throughout the dead island as they drive into the night.

***

It’s a full moon of lunatic-beckoning proportions.  The Rover is parked at the mouth of a ravine full of 13-foot or greater rock columns that fade into a heavy fog bank.  Orion empties a fuel canister into the Rover while Rooke and Teach study the map on Rooke’s laptop. 

Something in the brush gets Orion’s attention.  He takes a big whiff.

Rooke rearranges the jigsaw map around on her laptop.  “See,” Rooke starts, “if I put this piece here, it forms this valley.”

“How can you be sure that it’s this valley and not another on the other side of the island?”

“We can ask the captain.”

Orion steps back into the Rover.  “Maybe you shouldn’t ask the captain because he wasn’t on a sight-seeing tour and his memory is a little fuzzy.  But if you ask real nice, he might take you through Ghost Ravine.”

Rooke asks, “Ghost ravine?”

“That’s what I call this place.” 

Rooke and Teach file back into the Rover.

He turns to both of them, “Okay, I want you two to keep your eyes and ears open.  We watch our backs more so than ever around here.  I think I caught a whiff of Old Spice and Kwell shampoo.  That’s Shanghai Mars’ brand.”

“Kwell?” Teach asks.  “Isn’t that scabies medication?”

The Rover slowly cruises through the ravine that’s thick with fog.  Rooke has her video camera rolling and gets nothing but fog.

Teach hovers over her shoulder, “Are you capturing anything?”

Rooke answers, “Not a thing.”  She looks at Orion who’s concentrating hard on the road he can’t see.  “Why do you call this place Ghost Ravine?”

“Last time I was through this place I was on foot.  It was creepy because you could hear muffled screams and whispers.  The echo bounces all over the ravine walls so much that you can’t tell where it’s coming from.”

Suddenly, a frog plummets on the hood of the Rover.  It squirms to its feet then lunges off into the fog.  Teach is spooked and whips his head around.  Rooke takes a huge gulp.  Orion tries to comfort them, “The storm does that sometimes.  Don’t touch ‘em unless you think it’ll listen to your problems.”  Orion’s eyes dart from side to side. 

“Problems?”  Rooke asks.

“Yeah, when you say, “Ouch, I think I’m dying.’”

They hear a hissing sound. 

Teach, “Was that a radio squelch?  Shanghai Mars?”

Orion gulps, “Yeah.  Uh… radio squelch.  Probably just Shanghai Mars and his fellas.  Just wantin’ us to know they’re okay and not to worry.”

Teach relaxes, but Rooke sees Orion shaking his head.  They hear two more frogs beating on the roof.

“Fuck it.”  Orion shifts the Rover into reverse, “I’m not killin’ us all for a couple of frogs.”  But he sees tens of motorcycle headlights coming up from behind.  He can hear a group of Shanghai Mars’ pirates singing Friggin’ in the Riggin’.

Teach taps his toes while humming.

Rooke peeks out with her camera.  She points it straight up to a faint clearing in the fog.  She can see some of the moon shining through.

Teach starts singing the song as the pirates approach, but he’s singing Good Ship Venus, “The captain’s wife was Charlotte / Born and bred a harlot / Her thighs at night were lily white / By morning they were scarlet.”  He shivers while grinnin’ evilly, “This song is to terrifically bawdy.  We used to sing this at the Molesworth Fencing Academy.”

“Glad you like it, professor.  Maybe you can join their chantey chorus.”

Rooke sees the silhouette of a long, giant tube worm breaking out of one of the rock columns as it hisses and spits out frogs… “Shit.”

Teach continues to sing, “Her plaintive squeals announced that eels / Had found her sexual quarter.”

And she sees another tube worm break through, “Shit!”

“The ship’s dog’s name was Rover / We turned that poor thing over…”

And another, “Oh, shit!”
TO BE CONTINUED!

Rooke enters the Dum Dum Club with her hair rolled up into a tight bun.  She balances a heavy rucksack on her shoulder.  If she has a drop-dead knock-out body, no one would guess it.  She squeezes past a couple of drunken sailors bee-lining for the bar—a perfect place to start. 

The Dum Dum Club is a train-wreck of a joint that jostles on a decaying boardwalk. Under her feet the rickety floorboards start to give way.  The must is so thick you can stab it with a fork.  The characters that decorate the place are drunken and burnt out old sailors now living on the fraying fringes of society.  The Dum Dum Club is the last and final check-point before venturing out into no-man’s-land. 

Rooke drops her rucksack at the foot of the bar while getting the bartender’s attention.  She looks over both of her shoulders suspecting she’s getting unwanted attention.

The bartender arrives wiping down his grimy hands, “Can I get ya?”

She answers, “A beer.  Any kind.”  She gulps as she leans over the bar.  “Say, do you know where I can charter a boat?”

“This’s about as far out as you can go.  There’s nothin’ else out there.”  He looks at her frustrated expression while placing a glass of beer in front of her, he thumbs to a corridor, “There’s a bulletin board by the pay phone as you’re walking to the restroom.  Check that out.  Plenty of old salt dogs on the wall.”

Rooke makes her way to the corridor and recognizes someone studying the bulletin board.  She notices that he’s ripping the flyers and business cards and hiding them in his backpack.

“I didn’t think you’d actually get out from behind your desk, Teach.” 

Teach is flustered, “I pretty much gave everyone A’s.”

“So, you can enjoy your Spring Break?”

“Yes. I wanted to be there when some of these girls go wild.”  Teach feigns a snorting giggle.  “A’s all around.”  He notices her beer.  “Is that a beer?  Are you drinking beer?”

She brushes him off, “You’re not going to that island?”  She stares at him inquisitively making him feel uncomfortable. 

“I’m going to give it a go, as soon as I find someone that will venture out there.”  Teach looks over his shoulder making sure no one’s listening.  “I’ve flirted with paying double and triple the amounts, but no one will go out there.”

“Well, isn’t it a haunted island?  No one has ever returned.”

“Oh no, no, no.  That’s not true at all.”  He leans in close.  “These old salt dogs talk of a man that returned from the island.  He barely made it out by the—“Teach steps back then looks around.  “What are you doing here?”  She’s clearly agitated, but Teach begins to walk away.  She grabs him by the arm.

“We can help each other,” she says while pulling out a slip of laminated paper.  “This is a rubbing of the jigsaw map I was telling you about.”

“The rubbing is no good unless you have the other side.”

“I have the other side.”  Teach shifts his eyes around while thinking.  Rooke continues, “I’ve scanned the map and quartered it into sections on my laptop.  I’ve been rearranging the pieces to see how they fit and I think I’ve found the pattern.  The map changes correlate to the check points which dictates a different view.”

“But you have to find the check points.  How do you know what to change it to?  You don’t speak the language.”

Rooke holds up a book on the basics of the Japanese language.

Teach looks perplexed.  “That book won’t help you.  It’s written in an ancient dialect.  You won’t know what changes to make on the map.”

“I figured it would be a risk, but with you and me looking, we would have a better chance.”

“I was running the risk of having to split the treasure with the captain.  Now, I will have to split it three ways.” 

Rooke shrugs, but grins, “What treasure?  You’re not on an archeological dig?”

Teach looks around like he let a secret loose, “Finding that temple is just as if you’d found a treasure.  We’d be rich beyond our comprehension.” 

Teach quickly changes the subject to get her off guard.  “Why do you want to go out there?”

Rooke is startled for a minute.  How dare he attempt to turn it around!  “I’m investigating and documenting the suspected paranormal activities of the island.”

Teach grabs her beer and takes a few swallows.  “You may want to talk to Captain Orion.  He’s the only one to have survived this long after his return.  In 1945 a Japanese submarine was torpedoed and 9 sailors found refuge on that island.  They managed to salvage a radio and call for help.  When help finally arrived, the only one that survived had been driven mad.  Homicidal mad.  He kept screaming out the phrase, roughly translated, ‘Bushido’s Breath!’  ‘Bushido’s Breath!’  He swam out to meet the rescue vessel, slaughtered all the men on board and eventually himself.”

“If everyone died,” Rooke says skeptically, “then how do they know all this?”

“It was all documented in the captain’s log.  The rescue vessel was sent back on its way as a warning to all others not to trek these seas.”  Teach takes another couple of swallows and hands the beer back to her.  “There was another incident in 1956 when the United States was testing atomic weapons—“

Rooke stares at Teach’s bugged out eyes.  “Okay, I get your point.  You can stop with the bedtime stories because I think you’re spooking yourself.”

“The sailors call it… the Island…” he takes a moment to tilt his head toward her while bugging out his eyes and whispers hard, “…Macabre.” 

She scoffs, “Your eyes are about to dry out, Teach.”

“I jest you not.  That’s what they call it.”

Rooke’s interested, “But what about this lone survivor character?”

Orion stumbles out of the men’s room slamming against the pay phone.  He winks at Rooke and then belches an, “Excuse me” as the receiver swings from the cord. Orion’s a hulk of a man and drunk off his ass.  “Ahoy, Teach.”  He squints at Rooke’s beer, “You gonna finish that, honeycomb?”

Teach points to Rooke, “Rooke, meet Captain Orion.  The lone survivor of the Island Macabre.” 

“I’ve done cooler things than survive some lame island on the Rotten Sea.”

Rooke clears her throat, “And what might that be, Captain Orion?”

“A pair of triplets in the Philippines.”  He lets out a guffaw and chugs the beer.

“Twin triplets?” Teach asks.

“One of them ODed half way through the sex carnage and we didn’t find out till morning.  We thought he just passed out.”  Orion scratches his head, then holds up the empty glass toasting, “To Josefina!”

“And what was cool about that?” Rooke asks.

“I finally had an excuse to leave the Philippines.”  Orion staggers into the thick of the crowd.

“That’s your hero, Teach?”

“He’s not my hero.  He’s the only one that will take us there.”  Teach goes after him.

Orion staggers across the rickety pier towards his landing craft, Orion’s Bitch.  It’s an old World War II amphibious assault landing craft with a naked mermaid bound and gagged in S&M gear painted along its hull. 

Rooke squints at the mermaid, “Uh… is that your boat, Captain?”

“Oh, yeah,” Orion turns around stone drunk as Rooke walks right into him, “Sorry about the mermaid, honeycomb.”

She’s a little jittery. “That’s fine.  No need—“

“She needs a little touching up.  You can’t see the nipple anymore.  I mean, that’s the money part.  Right, Teach?”

Teach clears his throat, “Oh, I, uh… she’s quite a lovely, young lass.”

Orion turns back to the boat, “Lovely alright.  A lovely pain in the ass.  Bitch broke my fuckin’ heart.”

“Say, are these one of the Higgins boats that stormed Normandy?”  Teach asks.

“Hell no.  I wouldn’t want one of those pieces of shit.  Those things were shot to shit. This here hunk of beauty stormed Iwo Jima.”

“Were you in the Marines, Captain?”  Teach says.

“Army.”

Orion, Rooke and Teach walk up the landing craft’s ramp.  There’s an old sand-colored Deuce and half and a 1990 Land Rover Defender.  “Don’t fuck with the Rover.  It’s a classic.  Best in the world.  They don’t make ‘em like that anymore.”

“Don’t they?”  Rooke studies its shabby condition.

“Actually, I think old Temba screwed me on it.  Every time I see the guy he’s always grinning that checker-tooth grin of his.  But one of these days I’d like to drive by his little hut and show him how great it runs.”  Orion punches the Rover as the rearview mirror falls off.  Orion shakes it off.  “Alright, I hate to sound like a shore whore, but I gotta get paid up front.”

Teach reaches into his backpack, “Oh, of course.”  Teach counts out a series of hundred dollar bills.  “How’s ten thousand?”

Orion stands there for a second.  “Sounds great, but I think somethin’s wrong with my fuckin’ ears.”  He looks at the money again, “No.  I’m dreaming because I see 10 grand in your hand.”  Orion shrugs.  “Fuck it.  Who am I gonna argue, uh?”

“Is it too much?”  Rooke asks.  “Have we insulted you?”

“Fuck no!”  Orion snatches the money and stuffs it into his cargo pocket.  “Just a lot of money for some romantic midnight island hopping.  Happy honeymoon.”

Rooke and Teach stare at each other and say in unison, “Wait!”

Rooke flusters, “We’re not together.”

Teach reassures, “We don’t want to island hop.  We want to go to Island Macabre.”

There is a long dead silence while Orion stares at him hard.  Then he turns to Rooke who says, “We’re not together… romantically.” 

Orion hands Teach back his money, “I’m takin’ a tenner for my troubles.  I think you owe me a drink or two after this little titty-tease.”  Orion begins to shuffle them down the ramp.  “Scoot, scoot, scoot.”

Teach looks at him with sorrowful eyes, “But you’re our last hope.”

“Don’t grease me with those puppy dog eyes.  It’ll be more convincing coming from her.”

“Please,” Rooke begins, “We need to get on that island.”

“There’s nothing for you there.  I fuckin’ assure you.  I motherfuckin’ guarantee you that.”

Teach hesitates, “There’s valuable archeological evidence there.” 

“That island is protected by the elements.”

“We know it’s haunted.”  Rooke says.

“Haunted?  You obviously don’t know what you’re talking about.  But by fuck if that place will kill you.  It’s got insects that’ll lay eggs under your skin and hatch in your brain.  Storm patterns that rain poisonous frogs.  Unstable geography that occasionally shifts making maps useless.”

Rooke says, “You’re the last and only known survivor of that island.”

“Not really if I go back there and get my stupid ass killed.”

Teach interjects, “There’s a treasure.”

Orion snickers, “There’s no treasure, professor.  Trust me on that.”  Orion starts to shuffle them off the boat.  “You don’t know what’s on that island and you don’t wanna know.”

Teach gets Orion’s attention saying, “I can tell you why the Bushido’s Breath didn’t take you.” 

“Just because you looked up a couple words doesn’t mean you know—“

“You have a tattoo.”  Orion sneers as Teach continues, “On your chest.  Over your heart.  It’s the only way you can survive the Bushido’s Breath.  It’s protecting you until the warrior soul returns to the temple.  I can help you find some of the answers you’ve been asking yourself.”

Orion stands there mulling it over.  “You in on this too, honeycomb?”

A guilty grimace cracks across her face, “Yes.  But I’m looking for evidence of paranormal activity.”

Orion sighs while shaking his head.  He sucks on his lip while looking at Teach’s sorrowful puppy dog eyes.  “Can you make that face, honeycomb?”

Rooke tries to make that puppy dog look, but it’s just a malformed grimace. 

Orion shakes his head, “Never mind.  Looks like you got Montezuma’s Revenge.  The professor’s better at it anyway.”  He sighs again, “I hate to be greedy, Teach, but you think you can muster up another 5K?”

“Of course.”

“15K, a case of scotch and all your educated answers?”

“My good man, that’s an accord.”

Orion scratches his head, “You two are gonna need tats.”

***

Orion’s Bitch cuts through a barrage of choppy waves as a wicked bolt of lightning streaks across the black sky.  The Rover smashes up against the landing ramp as a heavy wave coughs up over the hull. The Deuce is chained to the floor, but still gets tossed around.

In the pilot house, Orion struggles with the wheel while Teach and Rooke hold on tight.  Rooke shouts over the storm, “Is it always this rough?”

Orion answers, “We’re on a collision course for an island of death, honeycomb.  I don’t think it’s rolling out the tea party welcome wagon.”

“Why do you keep calling me honeycomb?”

“Your hair’s all wound up tight like a little honeycomb.” 

A streak of lightning scratches up against the window making Teach and Rooke jump.

“Oh shit that was close!”  Orion turns the wheel again as a gust of white water sprays over the ship flooding the cargo bay with a few feet of water.  A couple of sharks smack up against the pilot house window.

Teach is startled, “Oh dear me!”

Orion forces the wheel to the side.  “Yeah, this storm has a nasty habit of pickin’ things up and throwin’ ‘em at ya.”

Teach tries to steady himself while looking at a bandage on his chest.  He turns to Rooke’s bandaged chest seeing part of her breast bounce, “Uh, do you suspect they will heal nice and proper?”  Rooke’s boob jostles as Teach’s eyes bug.

Orion powers up the motor as they climb a wave.  “Just don’t rub it.  You’ll tear off the skin and some of the design.”

Teach notices the radar blipping.  “What’s that?”

Orion turns to the radar.  “Shit!  Shit, shit, shit!”

“You should’ve went before we left.”  Rooke says.

“Hold on to that sense of humor, honeycomb.”

Rooke asks, “What is it?”

“There be pirates,” he answers.

A red Hercules C-130 dubbed the Big Red Cock breaks out of the black sky with a twin strip of lightning bolts following it.  The nose art reveals a red rooster with boxing gloves.  The aft ramp lowers as the Big Red Cock buzzes the pilot house.  Several counter-measure flares shoot out across Orion’s Bitch illuminating it.  Two single-manned jet skies slide off the ramp and splash down into the water on both sides of Orion’s Bitch. 

The radio squelches as a raspy voice cracks, “Avast, ye motherfuckin’ hornswaggle!”

Orion picks up the radio while turning the wheel, “Shiver me timbers.  If it ain’t Shanghai Mars.  How’re you this fine evening?  Never thought I’d see you and your scurvy fucks this side of Hell.”  Orion sees the two jet skis streaming along side the hull.  A wave pushes one of the jet-skiing pirates into the landing craft’s cargo bay.  “I see your boy, Sugartooth, just invaded my boat.”

“Aye, Sugartooth is an ambitious sort,” says Shanghai Mars.  “He be the master of the machete.  I taught him well.”

With a machete blade between his teeth, Sugartooth grins evilly while his jet ski putters toward the pilot house, but then the two sharks jump up, drag him into the water and pull him apart. 

“Guess he missed a class,” Orion says.

More jet-skiing pirates plummet out of the Big Red Cock cruising along side Orion’s Bitch.  Orion turns to Teach and Rooke, “Go in that cabinet behind me and collect some firearms.  We’re in for a fight.” 

To be continued…